From Sinai to Savior

Today I watched the coolest show on a cathedral that is located at the supposed base of Mt. Sinai. The very plain where the Israelites settled when Moses went up to get the 10 commandments from God. It wasn't a Christian group that lived there, but the tour was amazing. The picture to the left shows a sunset there. You have to feel that they feel some sort of a connection w/ God being there.

It made me think of the place that God communed w/ his people. The desert... a desolate place w/ little water, gritty sand and nearly intolerable heat. A place of lowliness, of humiliation. Here the Israelites came tired, hungry, and (their trademark) complaining. They wandered here when they failed to obey God's call to enter into the promised land. I've always thought of it as a punishment, but lately I've looked at it differently.

I imagine myself in a desert. The wind whispering through the air and the sand slowly passing over my feet like gentle waves of water. But what is most incredible is the sound... nothingness... a pin drop could be heard right then. Or even better... God's voice. His smallest whisper... the whisper lost in the midst of busy life... lost in slavery in Egypt... lost in the chaos of Israel's failure to enter the promised land. But here it is heard... The whisper: "I am"...

And then there was Jesus. God in man... he took on the characteristics of man... he lost energy, needed refueling every once in awhile. And where did he go... a garden. The garden of Gethsemane. It was such a silent place in fact that the disciples fell asleep there. Here, in the midst of silence... was Jesus rejuvenated by God's spirit. It was here he came when his energy was sapped. Sapped by fighting of evil... sapped by his love for me and you... but he found a place to come... here in silence... that is where he heard God's voice: "I am your Father".

And here I am. I just received news that one of my friend's grandpa passed away. She is a big part of this breakout and for big things to happen... and Christmas just came w/ New Years right around the corner... Why now? My mom started her medicine up again... Why does she have cancer? Why does she have to suffer? Why doesn't God do big things through me right now? Why?

And here God brings me to his desert... There to pet the doe as my friend Bear said... and he says in the faintest of whispers... though I hear it loud because in the desert nothing else can be heard... A desert that the Israelites wandered through... In a garden where Jesus prayed... From Sinai to my Savior it has been used to rejuvenate those called for God's purpose... and God says: "I am enough".

God or the Glowsticks

Today was Christmas. It was awesome. I got to play outside w/ my cousins and hang out with a friend I haven't seen in a really long time. Christmas was just an all-around amazing time.

So in my other blog I had been focusing on backing in the presence of God and who he is. It was a great feeling. I've been able to relax and just let God be the center of my life (It also helped that I didn't have to deal w/ the stress of school). In this Christmas season full of tragedy and bad news I was able to rely on a God that was bigger than all that.

One of my biggest concerns lately has been the Freshmen Break-out that is going to happen at my school on the 4th. It ties in w/ my dreams for my freshmen class to really start becoming the church. To do something big and amazing and deathstarian (I JUST LOVE THAT WORD). I've been assigned w/ a special task as class prez and I'll just reveal that I'm doing something w/ glowsticks... 40 glowsticks.... that I hadn't yet bought.

Procrastination is a word that can pretty much describe my task behavior. As a result, I get stressed, and as a result of that, don't trust in God. Crazy thing is that everything would be fine and dandy if I didn't procrastinate and did trust in God. Such wasn't the case this week and I was beginning to get worried... until of course I had my encounter w/ Bear. His perspective check helped a lot.

Another aspect of the soup kitchen church was the signs all around. They had the names of God. One of the things I know God as is "The Provider". My mom told me this once "Make sure that you long for the Provider before the Provision". It makes sense now... Why ask of things from God instead of asking FOR God? It hit me today as I opened my Christmas present... 40 glowsticks... that's right... my parents are awesome!

It hit me that God provides what we need when we need it. First, we have to realize that we need God and then everything else is pretty much a bonus. At Camp Elim this summer my camp service team leader read us a quote from the Chronicles of Narnia that went something like this: Lucy says to Aslan "Aslan, it's not Narnia that we'll miss... It's you". That's how we should be w/ God. It's not the benefits or the greatness or even passion... it's the true, pure love for an eternal, loving God. That love surpasses anything. It's a matter of picking God over the glowsticks.

Pic of Family Christmas:

When the Bear Pets the Doe

Recently I've been running at 2,000 miles an hour. Running from one thing to the next trying to analyze how God can work through me and then running after that. That's our call after all is it not?

It's been tough. Recently my mom been feeling like junk w/ her new dose and medicine, we got news of a friend who was diagnosed w/ cancer, and the church is now struggling with shootings at YWAM at New Life. If I were to send you to a news station webpage there you could find many more opportunities that God could use us in life. I've started to learn to view problems as opportunities as greatness. It's a daily race... a daily carrying of the cross... a daily act of courage.

I got to thinkin about this at a church called "Grace Be Unto You", which my small group helped serve at since they serve meals to the homeless and give out presents before Christmas. I felt my blood running again for God. The passion there is amazing. They conveyed the message of the church w/ deathstarian passion (yes, that's my new made up word "deathstarian"). And the crazy thing is that the lady who gave the message had walked the path of what we view as the "horrible" sinner. She'd come out victorious in a battle of true evil and temptation. It amazed me. She talked about the race and the daily act of courage as a call to holiness. In a little segment she talked about rejuvenation through church and constant renewal of your mind and it sort of stuck in my head the rest of the night.

As I started serving I began to start meeting the homeless people (which is quite a daunting task especially taken alone because you friends are too shy! Ugh... love all y'all though...). It was a true perspective check and made me reevaluate my wants and needs. I then met a guy that truly amazed me.

His nickname was Bear and I don't remember his real name. He opened up to me. Started talking about his ex and his son and his job and his days spent at the shelter. I mean this guy had problems... majorly. He talked to me on how much the sermon affected him. It made him begin to reevaluate his life and his walk. It awed me.

He told me the story of the day before this happened. He had seen a doe... and he went to pet it. He petted it for 30 minutes and it was the first time for years he didn't dwell on his problems. He just enjoyed who God was by his creation. My friend Amy took a trip to Cancun and did the same thing. She told me about dolphins, the ocean, and christmas. She just took a break from tough life and enjoyed God.

I felt good about sending letters to the church and building others up, and I even had an amazing time praying over the friend who got cancer. But today... Bear awed me... it's good to try and change the world... but God always wants me to come back to the reason of it all.

It's because of a beautiful creation, man's sin, a babe in a manger, the cross, and an empty grave. It's a simple truth behind a complicated world. So yes, it is courageous to change a complicated world... but it's important to remember the truth that runs the motive behind changing the world. Enjoy the fact that he came as a baby in a manger in a filthy stable to ordinary people. And that simple truth clears many webs of complication.

So if your running 2000 miles an hour right now, remember that God sometimes calls you to pet the doe... Merry Christmas everyone!

Hero of My Dream

So here's a song that took me awhile to write. So recently I've been in the mindset of "revolution" and this song came to my head. The epic life is a life for Jesus and he's the true hero of the story. It's a dream of a hero... and then realizing that we can't be that hero... but Jesus can be that hero through us...

HERO OF MY DREAM

I close my eyes, I start to dream
I start to run and grow my wings
I start to fly, I touch the sky
I look down as time goes by

Down below, there’s sorrow and pain
The cycle repeats over and over again
Is it wrong if time goes by
I’m not doing a thing is that really crime?

We’re running out of time, who will be the change
We’re in a drought of hope, who will bring the rain
It starts right here, it starts right now
We’ll change the world someway, somehow
We’ll be the change, we’ll bring the rain
We’ll see more light another day

I feel my flight stop, I feel my body drop
It’s the end of flight, it’s time to make wrongs right
It’s time to be the light it’s time to start the fight
It’s time to be what the world’s never seen,
But I don’t know how I’ll be the hero of my dream

I open my eyes and all I’ve found
Is that my feet are stuck to the ground
No more superstrength, no more superflight
I’m not a hero, so how will I fight

I look to the hills and what do I see
I see that this is Jesus working through me
This is the epic life that I’m gonna live
All of me is what I’m gonna give

We’re running out of time, I’m gonna be the change
We’re in a drought of hope, I’m gonna bring the rain
It starts right here, it starts right now
I’m gonna change the world this way because I know I’m found
I’ll be the change, I’ll bring the rain
I’ll bring more light… today

I feel my pride stop, I let Jesus drop
Grace all over me, so that I can be
What the world’s never seen,
Because Jesus is the hero of my dream

So Much It Hurts

This week I talked to Joanna and Sarah Guhl about my last blog about the death star. Now when I usually dream about something I'm one of those big picture people who always forgets the details. It's good thing I've got super-organized and OCD friends (I love my friends for it though).

So as Joanna and Sarah listened to my thoughts (That takes courage by the way, sometimes I get a little out there) they brought up a good question. So there's all this energy and there's a focal point, which is God. But how does the energy get focused into that focal point?

I honestly didn't know. I've seen youth groups of different groups, christian classes with different cliques, and even small groups with segregated groups within them. Looking at that big picture makes it sure look like that energy is going everywhere except for the place it needs to be.

But then I looked even bigger. I was at SouledOut yesterday and I saw that the youth pastor was focusing that energy. He gave them a goal. He challenged them to raise 10,000 dollars in one year for AIDS in Africa. Middle schoolers? You've got to be kidding me...

Well, they've raised 5,700 dollars and their not even half-way through the school year. Now that's powerful.

One place where I saw huge power this week was in my Bible class. We talked about suicide, and my fellow students opened up in heart-pounding, gut-wrenching ways. I probably won't ever look at them the same.

My class has the amazing ability to be real with each other. Mr. Tharp, my Bible teacher, made the observation that the people in my class care for each other so hard it hurts. That compassion is rare. It's another reason that I totally think God put my class together to change the world.

It's about time to focus that compassion. First to help each other and then in turn to realize we can use that compassion to help the world.

My class doesn't realize the amount of courage in our compassion. That compassion can be focused for God. So next year I'm planning to start the class on an epic campaign. To raise loose change to loosen the chains of slaves all over the world. I can see God using our compassion to truly change the world. It's going to be bigger than anything our class has imagined.

It's something that's a commitment. In the Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren says "Tell me what you're commited to and I'll tell you what you'll be in 20 years." Well, I'm telling you that if my class commits to focusing our compassion and passion on God, a new breed of leaders will rise up. The future is made by the courageous decisions young people make today. So may this start the journey of an epic campaign.